The Magician of Arkham
by Serb
Summary: Come and read, my fellow readers, the amazing adventures of our favourite four freaky friends in the Arkham fairytale, so benvolently bestowed upon us by none other than the Joker! Read and review everyone!


**The Magician of Arkham**

_Author's Note: This idea came to me one night just after I ate the morning cereal. Don't enquire this idea, though I'm certain you will understand the thread of characters. Ok, none of the characters belong to me but to DC Comics and Warner Bros. When the words are _**in this form**_, it is the present tense. If they are _in this form_, then it is the story that the Joker tells. Read and enjoy the insanity!_

**The Joker ran as fast as his legs carried him. Only a little more, and he'll be out of this junk. After all, it isn't always fun trying to escape from Arkham. **

**Damn! The alarm sounded. No doubt Batsy would be here and they'll all have a party before Joker is returned back into his cell – actually The Hole, where all punished prisoners spend some time in dark isolation for days. **

**They locked the doors. The Joker fumbled on one and it wouldn't budge. He typed the password on the security keypad and the door still didn't move. Those moronic security guards must have put the automatic lock on all doors, meaning that no one will get in or out until the runaway was found. No matter- if the Joker had virtues, one of them was patience. After all, he experienced it before. He only had to lay low for a while until they gave up on searching him and then they will unlock the doors. Until then, where would he hide this time?**

**The Joker gave an uncharacteristic scowl and looked around at the grey, colourless stone walls of the asylum. Even if all the walls in this place all look the same, he had been in this area more than once. **

**Joker suddenly remembered where he was and he found a door he expected. Of course! That door led to the Recording Room – the room where all the rogues would eventually get together for some quality time which ends up in a fight. Joker seized his chance and tried the door knob. It was unlocked! Giggling with satisfaction, he crept in and saw that the room wasn't empty.**

**It was filled with patients who came from another sector of the asylum- a newly created sector for the non-violent, less serious patients. They usually had the problem of thinking that they were a glass of water so they wouldn't move. On the ceiling was the camera that observed them.**

**The Joker smirked. He had on purpose bribed the security guard who would have his shift on the security camera, so as to turn a 'blind eye' as the Joker escaped. However, since there was a search party going for the Joker, perhaps he could have a little fun in the meantime…..**

'**Hello there, fellow freaks!' the Joker yelled, jumping in and slamming the door behind him, 'I'm Dr. Joker and I'll be your shrink for the rest of your miserable day!'**

**The patients stared at him, some of them open-mouthed. Most of them had zoned off into their own world, so there was not much of a reaction.**

**Joker scratched his chin in thought, 'Hmm…. It seems to me that we have a lack of reaction from our bright patients.' **

**Two or three of the patients that stared him open-mouthed drooled.**

'**Tough crowd, eh? No matter, I'm sure that we'll get along just fine,' the Joker said cheerily, 'I'll keep you entertained with a story while you in return don't tell the guards that I'm here.' When they didn't answer, Joker added, 'I knew I could count on you.' **

**There was a cough from the other side of the room, but no one paid any attention. 'Right!' beamed the Joker at his silent crowd, 'Would you like an old-fashioned story or Joker-style?' **

**It is said that silence is an answer. Joker obviously took it as an approval for the latter. **

'**Righty-o then! Hang on to your hats ladies and gentlemen, 'cause this will get exciting!' the Joker announced, and then lowered his voice to say, 'Once upon a time……' **

Once upon a time, in the suburbs of Gotham, there lived an annoying blonde called Harley. She was a happy girl, lived in a cute little house, where the sun always shone and said good morning to her every day.

'Good morning!' said the Sun.

'Good morning!' Bubbled the blonde.

'Where are you off today?' asked the Sun.

'I'm off to see my vet Dr. Milo who is currently taking care of my hyenas!' squealed Harley.

So she went until she came to a rotting house made of termite-eaten wood. She skipped the right steps which gave way beneath you when you stepped on them and rang the bell.

The door answered none other than Dr. Milo, who was a tall, thin man, who had a long snipe nose and a weird haircut which looked as if somebody put a bowl on his head and shaved everything else within reach. He smiled.

'Hi Harley,' he said in his crawly accent, 'why did you come here for?'

'To pick up my hyenas, silly!' she giggled idiotically.

'Oh yes, Bud and Lou,' he said sadly, looking crestfallen, 'I was trying to be so nice to them….. I really _like_ animals you know, and we had so many good times together…..'

'Really? What kind of fun?' asked Harley naively.

Dr. Milo's eyes brightened at that, 'Why don't you come in and I'll show you! You just have to bend over and- '

'No I can't, I'm in hurry!' said Harley, 'So other time then, eh?'

'Yes,' the bloody creep said dreamily, 'Some other time….'

So she left his house with the shaken hyenas and went home (remind me to kill that creep when I get outta here!).

So, where was I? Ah yes, sweet, _innocent_ Harley was at home, playing with her hyenas Fetch the Rifle, when suddenly there was knock at her door. Who could that be? Harley skipped to the door and opened it.

There, standing in full German uniform, was Count Vertigo!

What do you mean; you don't know who Count Vertigo is? That Nazi-looking guy, blond hair, worked for the drug-addict Ra's Al Ghul and his narcotic daughter…..

Never mind. So when Harley asked what he wanted, he then said in his corny accent, 'I have come to cause you vertigo and make you zick and zen transport you to another vorld!'

Without any warning, his piss-coloured eyepiece made her feel dizzy, throw up on the floor and ruining her Persian carpet before she regained her senses. By the time she knew what happened, she was somewhere else.

She was in beautiful flowery world filled with flowers and trees (Note the plants!). One of the hyenas tried to do their business on a tree.

'Stop!' rang an echoing voice, 'I command you not to harm the serenity of the botanical world!'

'Who da hell are you?' asked Harley rudely.

'My name is Poison Ivy and I'm the fairy/owner/supreme ruler of this place!' said the woman in sickly green and horribly clashing red hair.

'Can ya wear somethin' else?' grumbled Harley, 'Or I'm gonna throw up on you.'

The Botanical Woman then swished her magic wand, and suddenly Harley had little red slippers on her feet.

'Cool! My favourite colour too!' exclaimed Harley, 'What did ya give them to me for?'

'So that you find the Magician of Arkham before you die,' said Ivy simply.

'Huh?'

Ivy sighed, 'Just go down that road until you reach the cornfield.' With another swished, she disappeared into a toxic green puff of air.

Harley stared down at the concrete path that appeared all of the sudden in front of her that lead her out of the flower world. A big, stupid smile spread across her face.

'C'mon babies!' she called to her hyenas, 'Mummy's gotta get out of here before there's no one to feed ya with fish fingers!'

So that bimbo skipped down the path with those dribbling moronic canines behind her. Soon she reached the boundary that connected the plant world with the cornfield.

It was field that stretched miles into the distance, and the season for corn had passed, so there were just big, dried up yellow stalks. Crows circled in the air like a bunch of buzzards and Harley stared up at them, which almost made her go blind because of the sun.

'Ow!' howled Harley, squeezing her eyes shut and clutching at the place, 'I never knew that the sun could be so mean!'

'That's how Galileo became blind, and I don't know what's the big deal about him! I mean, he only proved that the Earth went around the sun!' A voice came from the cornfields that sound like a scarecrow with a hangover. And to Harley's surprise, it was a scarecrow-like creature!

Shoving the cornstalks out of the way was a skinny man who was dressed like a scarecrow, had reddish-brow hair, an ugly face and was holding a bottle of whiskey in his burlap sack.

'Who the heck are you?' asked Harley.

'My name is Jonathan Crane, but some people call me Toothpick, Scrawn-bag or Ichabod. I prefer if you only call me Scarecrow,' said the freak.

'What are you doing here?' she inquired.

'I was once a university professor of Psychology, you know. I used to be mean to my students, sell cannabis – heck, I even came to class stoned. So all was well until one day I was fired.' Said Scarecrow sadly.

'Was it because of your drug dealing ways?' asked Harley.

'No. It because I didn't give any for free to the Headmaster, Dr. Long! He gave an excuse that I was scaring the students and had an affair with a brunette student with hairy legs so I was fired.'

'Wow, that's sad.' said Harley sympathetically.

'I know, but the thing I always wanted my entire life was to have a brain. You know, I barely managed to finish high school and the only reason I got accepted tot the university was because I was babbling nonsense about fear so they thought I was smart. I didn't even mark the students' homework, the janitor did!' the Scarecrow screamed frantically.

'Well, maybe the Magician of Arkham can help you. I'm going to him because I may die soon,' offered Harley.

'That sounds fun. I'm coming with you,' with that, and a swig of the alcohol the Scarecrow had, they went down the merry concrete grey road.

So the two new friends walked on and on, until they came to a boundary that linked the cornfield to a forest. Standing next to a tree was a man in an astronaut suit, who saw frozen the middle of zapping a tree with his icy ray gun.

'The poor guy!' simpered Harley, 'How long has he been like this?'

On of the hyenas sniffed the frozen guy and raised its leg to do it's business.

'Bud! Bad doggie!' snapped Harley.

Too late. The hyena did what it intended, and since urine contains body temperature, it melted the frozen man just enough so that he could move again.

'Thank you for saving me from a fate worse than death, Fraulien.' Said the stranger, 'Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Victor Fries but you may call me Mr. Freeze.'

'Why are you here?' asked the Scarecrow.

'I was once an ordinary man, you know. I had a wonderful wife who made sure that whenever I can home for lunch I would have a cold meal waiting for me on the table. However, when summer came, the meals wouldn't be that cold so I turned myself into an ice-man and my wife divorced me because she couldn't stand living in an igloo anymore. I froze her, made an excuse that she had an incurable disease, and now I was cutting some wood in the forest so that I can make traps for Killer Whales in Antarctica, whose fat I'm going to sell to soap factories. It would make me a fortune!' Mr. Freeze roared.

Harley swooned at the thought of it, while Scarecrow tried to take another sip of the whiskey when he found out that the bottle was empty. He threw away the bottle in disgust and put the burlap sack on his head.

'Don't litter!' snarled Mr. Freeze, 'Don't you know that it takes hundreds of years for glass to decompose?'

'Aren't the animal protection services chasing you for trying to kill an endangered species!' Asked Scarecrow irritably.

'Yes. And what about you?' asked Freeze icily (Pun intended!), 'Are you still sued for sleeping with that university girl?'

'How do you know about that?' Scarecrow gasped with horror.

Freeze's smile widened, 'Wait, she was a Mongolian brunette….. with hairy legs?'

'I was framed!' Yelled the Scarecrow, 'I'm also being sued for scaring a pony and making it run over a child!'

'The child's parents are suing you?' asked Harley.

'No, the animal protection service is suing me because the child had braces and it got stuck in the pony's hoof!' Sighed the Scarecrow.

'Anyway….. the thing is that I always wanted was to have a heart. I've been a bit of a snowman lately…. Haha! Get it? Snowman!' laughed Freeze.

'Uh-huh. And sense of humour.' Said Harley sombrely, 'Come with us to see the Magician of Arkham. He can help you.'

So they all skipped (or in Freeze's case, trudged) happily down the concrete road. They went on and on like that, until Freeze complained that he was frozen again and needed 'assistance' from the hyenas. After the problem was solved, they went some more until they reached a much darker part of the forest. It was spooky and gloomy, if you would have seen it; your heart would beat faster.

'Turns you on, doesn't it?' asked the Scarecrow suggestively to Harley and the audience (remind me after I finish this story to beat the Straw-bag up).

Suddenly, they heard a rustle behind them. What was that? When they saw it was nothing, they continued with their way. Then, out of nowhere, a figure dressed in leather that was supposed to pounce on them, missed them by five meters, and fell face forwards on the ground. The figure scraped itself off the ground and stood up.

'Miaow,' purred the creature, who was actually a hot chick, towards the startled trio, 'My name is Catwoman, and you are all at my mercy!'

She flicked her whip upwards so that she could climb onto a branch of the tree. Unfortunately, she pulled too hard so the branch broke and fell on her head, rendering the feline unconscious.

'Miss, uh, are you alright?' asked Harley nervously.

'Alright? Never been better!' Snapped Catwoman, getting dizzily up on her feet, 'These things happen to me all the time.'

'You poor creature.' Said Freeze.

Catwoman shot him a dirty look and said huffily, 'I'm an expert at doing surprise attacks on people. You should see my whip tricks.'

'We'd rather not.' Interjected Scarecrow.

'Is there any problem you have?' asked Harley helpfully, 'Because our group consists of freaks and weirdoes and since you are one, perhaps you'd like to join us to visit the Magician of Arkham.'

'Well, I'm a bit of a sacredly-cat,' she smirked at her own pun, 'I'm afraid of heights and the darkness so I'm a failure to all Catwomen who exist in this world.'

'There's more of you?' asked Scarecrow eagerly.

'There are impersonators, but I'm the unique failure version,' she said proudly, 'I will join you on your noble quest on robbing the Magician.'

'Erm, we only want his help,' said Harley.

'Oh, buy I can get you more,' cooed Catwoman, going along with them, 'I can use my world-famous cat-burglar skills to steal some of his pigeons and magic hats…..'

So they went away, without knowing that they were being watched by an evil witch in her crystal ball. That was the famous Arkham witch known as Bratgirl!

Bratgirl was a young witch who dressed herself up as a bat and went around scaring the decent stable folks of Arkham. She was one of the successors of the most famous wizards in the land, known as Buttman. She was a delusional who thought that she was the most beautiful creep in all of Arkham, but when cute Harley appeared, she became increasingly jealous.

'How dare that blonde bimbo think that she outmatched a lovely auburn like me!' she howled, 'I cursed the hot Catwoman to be a clumsy buffoon so that she wouldn't compete with me, but Harley is a problem. I need to steal her shoes so that she dies and I will be the hottest chick in all of Arkham!'

Unaware of the danger that would soon appear, our foolish friends went deeper into the shifty forest as if they were asking for it. Catwoman complained that Scarecrow's mask stank of whiskey, he said that her breath smelled of 3 day consumed cat food, Freeze complained that he couldn't smell anything at all because of the glass container on his head, until Harley finally shut them up because they were giving her a headache. So they all went silent, and as just as they did that, a dark shadow approached them from the twisted trees.

'Freeze!' snapped the creature.

'I don't know you!' yelled Freeze back.

The creature stood into the light and our friends saw that it was the horrid form of Bratgirl, dressed in her skin-tight fitting costume. I could start telling you how the Scarecrow started getting turned on by her, but that would be inappropriate for the children, would it?

'Who the heck do you think you are, walking down my territory and acting like in a dumpster!' snarled Bratgirl, 'This is not Disneyland, you know!'

'Lady, what is your problem?' asked Harley, forcing herself to be polite.

'My problem! I'll show you my problem you hot ditz! I'm gonna get those pretty slippers off you and I'm gonna be the hottest chick in Arkham while I bury your dead body alive!'

Catwoman, who got sick of Bratgirl's crapping, said nastily, 'You won't get away with this, sister!' She flung her whip, but of course she missed, and so managed to get another tree branch on her heads. Ouch.

With a flick of an evil smile, Bratgirl pulled out her gun-thingy which had the rope inside. She fired it, and the rope flung out, and it's pincers clawed themselves on Freeze's aquarium head.

'Argh! Get this thing off me!' screamed Freeze, flinging his arms around like a windmill.

But Scarecrow had an ace up his "sleeve". While he was a professor in the university, everyday when he gave the janitor to mark the students' homework, he used play with the cleaning supplies. Once, he mixed the chemicals in such a way that lo and behold he created a Fear Gas. Since then, he always held a bottle of it tucked up in his sleeve, which he would spray is victims with who didn't pay for the weed he gave them.

Scarecrow used his advantage to spray Bratgirl with it. Unfortunately, none came out. He checked his sleeve to see if there was anything blocking it, he even took off his mask, and that was when he got the full blow of it. He screamed, ran around in circles, until he slammed into a tree and knocked himself out cold.

Bratgirl threw her head back and laughed. She then threw out of her mini-cape a couple of marbles, which weren't marbles but little evil spheres filled with sleeping gas that made Harley fall asleep. When Harley Slumped on the ground, Bratgirl picked her up and ran off into the depths of the forest with her. Freeze, who was the only one not unconscious (thanks to the freaky container on his head), woke everyone up and said what happened.

'We have to save her!' exclaimed Catwoman.

'No way!' objected Scarecrow, 'I'm not going to the forest to save some blonde who's held hostage by some bat-auburn-haired-sick-freak!'

Catwoman studied his face more carefully, now that she had seen him without the burlap sack on his head, and asked thoughtfully, 'Aren't you that professor who got kicked out of the university because he banged up a Mongolian brunette with hairy legs?'

'Alright!' yelled Scarecrow in frustration, 'I did it! Her name was Erdenechi, she came from the Biochemistry Department and she did not have hairy legs!'

That stunned the others, as well as me, because I don't know where the hell this name came from. Ah well, just to keep a bright audience such as you entertained.

'But we must save her,' insisted Catwoman.

'Why, pray tell?' said Scarecrow, losing his nerves by the second.

'Because this story won't have a plot, would it?' offered Freeze.

Crane let his body limp, as he said one simple word that described the situation perfectly, 'Crap.'

Meanwhile, in a tower that surrounded by sewer water, was Harley being threatened by Bratgirl to take off her shoes or her hyenas will be but in a freezer and later sold as sausage-flavoured popsicles to children (yes, I forgot to mention that Bratgirl also managed to pick up the hyenas – they are heavy, but she took steroids beforehand).

'Give me those damned slippers!' Demanded Bratgirl.

Harley pouted and shook her head in refusal.

'Right! That's it!' Bratgirl stomped out furiously, and added just before she locked the cell door behind her, 'If you don't give them to me, be ready with 2 dollars to buy my mutt-burgers!'

'I thought you wanted to make popsicles outta them?' asked Harley.

'I changed my mind! Does nobody understand the capabilities of my brainwaves?' With that, she slammed the door behind her.

'If you have them!' Harley whimpered, before she burst out crying crocodile tears.

Very soon, the three failures reached the tower. They accidentally noticed the 5 meter wide sewer water that surrounded it and pondered how to get over it and reach the window which was 2 meter above it. Catwoman tried one of her whip tricks, despite the protests of her friends. That's when the miracle happened: the whip coiled itself exactly at the window ledge, where she wanted.

Her friends cheered, while Catwoman flashed them a smiled, purring, 'The Cat knows where to sink in her claws.' She swung herself over the water and……. slammed into the stone wall.

The men groaned, while Scarecrow commented that some things were to good to last. Eventually, Catwoman clambered through the window into Harley's cell. Harley, who was crying on the floor, noticed the intrusion and looked up.

Immediately, a warm smile spread across her face and she said the most heart-warming words in history to say to a friend you'd never see again, 'Catbreath! You didn't loose all of your nine lives in one hour after all!'

So they clambered on the window, when Harley remembered that her hyenas were still prisoners. Catwoman promised that she will free the mutts, and she pushed Harley out of the window, wishing her happy landings.

Harley fell into Scarecrow's eager arms, but since he was so skinny and had the muscles the size of ant's knees, he just served as a cushion for her fall.

A few minutes later, Catwoman poked her pointy head out and warned, 'Look out below!'

A hyena fell howling out of the window and landed on Freeze, knocking him over. The second hyena fell out, and landed on Scarecrow, who just stood up. Catwoman was the next to jump out, landing on the pile formed by Scarecrow and the hyena.

'I always imagined of you being atop of me, but not to have a hyena's behind on my face,' came Scarecrow's muffled voice from beneath the pile, 'please get off me.'

So they all ran back to the concrete road to get on with their way, when an anguished, bat-like scream was heard from the tower. The fearless foursome ran down the concrete road until they saw the castle in the distance.

'Look! The Magician's Castle!' Cried Catwoman.

The castle was closer and closer as they ran for their lives from the Bratgirl. It was in a matter of a few minutes that they arrived in front of the very doors of the place.

The castle was huge, pink, therefore ultimately gay. There was a clear blue sky above it, where doves flew cooing around and released their droppings from above.

'Open the door before one of those thing gets us!' demanded Scarecrow hurriedly.

However, Harley noticed something written on the large doors made out of fake mahogany. There was written: "Closed Due to Christmas Holidays".

'The Christmas holidays were two months ago!' hissed Catwoman, 'Freeze, use your gun!'

However, Freeze had no ice laser gun, so our friends instead used his refrigerated head as a battering ram to break down the doors. The doors broke down, and our happy retarded friends walked in. The castle also had its staircases, corridors and doors painted gayish pink, so they started wonder who the heck the Magician is as they walk straight down the hall.

'It can be Hatter, but his colour is blue,' said Scarecrow thoughtfully.

'Maybe it's Riddler, he behaves like a fag,' offered Catwoman.

'Perhaps it's Two-Face, ya know, two features, two heads, two tastes…..' trailed of Harley.

So, they reached the end of the hallway, and they came upon the most ludicrously pink door in the entire world. That must have been the residence of the Magician. Freeze reached out, turned the knob, and opened it to reveal a laboratory. These was a person in there, who when he noticed them, turned around and gave a girlish scream. Standing in the middle of the lab was-

'Oh, good heavens! Who are these ghastly people! Tygrus! Come and save me!'

Dr. Emil Dorian.

'Tygrus has left you after you tried to turn me into a real cat-woman!' Snarled Catwoman, rolling up her sleeves, 'And we have unfinished business to attend to….'

'You horrid creature! I wish you to sprout a beard!' squealed Dorian in a very gay tone.

'So, are ya the Magician?' asked harley hopefully.

'Heavens no! I'm just his assistant. I decorated this castle _personally_, you know- it was such an awful place with dreary colours of grey…..,' Dorian trailed off, sighing, 'And he was such a _man_!'

'So he's not here at all?' yelled an upset Freeze.

'Ooh, what an impatient man!' swooned Dorian at the sight of Freeze, his eyes twinkling, 'I haven't seen the likes of you hunky men around!'

'Right,' said Scarecrow, a little unsure of himself, 'so where is the Magician?'

'Right here, you bag of straw!' yelled the familiar voice which we all know and love.

They turned around and saw….ME!

'Puddin'?' asked Harley giddily, 'You're the Magician?'

'Well, I'm the one telling the story, so it's logical for me to be the main mystery guy here!' said the Joker (aka I), rolling his eyes.

'So you're going to help us?' asked Catwoman in disbelief.

'Naturally. I can't just kill off the story leaving my fellow audience here wondering what will happen next.' The Joker said benevolently.

'So what are the answers to all our problems?' asked Freeze.

'Well, this entire stupid tale was a test to see if you have "grown up" to fully take your responsibilities and eventually be worth mentioning later in life. So far, the score is…..' the Joker grinned, keeping them in suspense.

'Yes!' they all asked, their eyes gleaming with hope. Ah yes, the deceitful hope.

'….Zero! You all failed! Losers! HAHAHA!' The Joker howled with laughter.

'This preposterous!' gasped Scarecrow.

'Yeah, give us at least somethin' Puddin'! We didn't come all this way for nothin'.!' Criticized Harley.

'Ok, ok, I can only give you advice. My fellow failures,' Joker motioned for them to lean in and he whispered very loudly what they have to do.

First came Catwoman. 'To you, my not-so-furry friend, you have to climb all over Gotham buildings so as to realized you full potential of how much you can cause damage unto yourself and others. Heck, the newspapers may call you a brave kamikaze who with her own suffering leads others to peril,' the Catwoman, seemed happy with the answer.

Second came Freeze. 'You complain that you don't have a heart. I think that this is all due to lack of….. elasticity. In other words, just get some Viagra and you'll warm up.' This might have shocked Freeze, but he nevertheless bought it.

Next came Scarecrow. 'I heard about the Mongolian chick, and I heard that hairy legs are wonderfully ticklish,' when Scarecrow rolled his eyes and sighed at that, the Joker continued, 'we all know that you're a dunce, and that you babble nonsense. Keep it up, for people will become afraid of that nonsense and so you may seem as an actual threat to everyone's health.'

At last, Joker turned to Harley, and gave his biggest smile.

'My sweet Harleykins….. you know that I liked you from the first day that I met you,' the Joker started.

'We meet in this story for the first time,' Harley said frowning.

'Yes, well, from now on I like you,' continued Joker, 'but for you to join the real gang, you must dress like us. So I will use my magic to turn you into what you almost dreamed of.'

With a clap of his hands, Harley was suddenly dressed in the Harlequin outfit.

'Puddin', you're da best,' she exclaimed before she gave him a bone-crushing hug.

So that's how we have all these freaks in Arkham. They are all pathetic, but hey, at least they make good throw rugs. Well, some of them.

So, here's where this delightful tale comes to an end.

**The Joker smiled at his audience. 'Don't I just make an excellent nanny?' he beamed.**

**The "audience" was in another world.**

**The Joker winkled his nose, 'That's why I'm not one.' **

**Suddenly, the guards came in (which wasn't by accident, but because they were listening to the story) and dragged him away. The Joker didn't object: he had his fun and it was worth it. Besides, he could run away from Arkham anytime.**

**However, since this was taped on the video camera (even if no body was watching it), soon some of the rogues got their hands on it and saw the tape. This had made the Joker unpopular for a while…..**

'**I ain't speaking to you Puddin',' huffed Harley, turning her gaze from him the next time they had a meeting together in the Rec Room. **

'**But Harleygirl, I was doing it for the entertainment,' explained Joker, before he got hit by a pawn chess piece from the other side of the room.**

'**Who did that!' he growled, turning around, when he was greeted by another chess piece (this time the knight) straight in the eye (which is quite painful). It was none other than Crane, who was flicking them vengefully in his direction.**

'**You can't be serious, you sack of straw!' Joker gasped in mock shock.**

'**I sold drugs to my students! I wasn't qualified for the job! I was an alcoholic! I banged off a Mongolian student!' screamed hysterically Crane, catapulting a chess piece at every question.**

'**Sheesh, Crane! Don't get your anger in a hat!' Joker grumbled.**

'**Was that a joke on my account?' asked Tetch, rising threateningly.**

'**Yeah, like I'm getting scared of an electronics nerd!' Joker said, grinning widely.**

'**Off with his head!' Tetch sounded the war cry and everyone gathered arms against the clown. Chess pieces, threats, punches (graciously bestowed upon him by Victor Fries), the TV and even the recording camera got thrown in his way. **

**It was only until the guards came to break it up. They led the irritated rogues away and took their weekly allowances. Before he was led away, Nygma shot a comment at the Joker that he looked very un-heterosexual with his red lips (probably upset because of Joker's suggestion in the story that Nygma was gay).**

'**You don't get along with your own kind very well, Joker,' the guard commented to the clown as they reached his cell.**

'**My heavens! Are you comparing me to those lunatics?' asked Joker innocently, as he was shoved in the cell and the door locked behind him, 'That is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard!'**

**THE EN-**

**Wait! It seems that we have more to this fic! Somewhere in the outskirts of Gotham, was secret laboratory run by Dr. Milo. There were cages filed with animals. Dr. Milo stooped next to one of them and cooed, 'Come here kitty, let's play a little game with Milo….'**

**Suddenly, he was interrupted by the arrival. He turned around and saw Batgirl! She looked menacing in her dark costume. As she approached him, he backed away into a corner.**

'**Dr. Milo, I heard that you are friendly with cats and dogs!' she said grimly. Dr. Milo thought that this was the end of him, until he heard the very next curious words of Batgirl, 'How about with bats?'**

**Well, I think this extra information is making the readers sick, so we can safely say that this is**

**THE END**

_Author's Note: Ok, let me just get my helmet so that you can throw tomatoes and rotten eggs at my head! I plead that I wasn't very clear in my head for writing this fic, and hope that the flames don't burn me too much! Tell me if the PG-13 rating is good enough, and I just really hope to get any responses from the readers for taking their time to read this entertainment!_


End file.
